you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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