So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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