He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
