Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Boobs speak an international language.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
