That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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