Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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