i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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