so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
