I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
