the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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