apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
