I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
