we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
