A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
