I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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