"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
