home. puking in laundry basket.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
