god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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