I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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