he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
