I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
This house was built for laser tag.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
