never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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