Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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