i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
