I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
