so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
