I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He passed out mid-signature
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
