I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
