your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
