Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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