I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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