you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
