Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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