hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
