I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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