I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
