you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
