I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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