what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
