When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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