Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
