And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
