i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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