The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
never play flip cup with pint glasses
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
