just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
