Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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