I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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