party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
