I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
