Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize