as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
