Tell her she can't have a vagina
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
