it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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