We're facebook friends in real life
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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