it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't deserve a penis
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
