you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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