my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
