So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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