If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
