I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
