drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize