She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
