im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
