he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
