i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
