I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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