just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
