There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
