Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
