He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
