i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
