I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
