She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
