I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
