I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
