I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize