Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
