I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize