you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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