he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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