The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
