i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
