watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
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