The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
