Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
