i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
