I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
