I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
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