Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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