I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
