I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
