Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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