Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
