final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
smell my finger.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
